Hey Guys!
I think I am going to take a little break from blogging for a little while. I am still on all of these steroids and they are making me crazy. I feel like I am on speed and my brain is so unfocused right now. I did start some physical therapy yesterday and felt very empowered. I actually feel like I'm doing something to try to heal instead of just kinda waiting around to see what happens. I will give you health updates from time to time but until I can get off of all of this medication I think blogging would just be difficult. I love you all and I thank you for your continued concern and prayers!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Health Update March 24th
Hey Everyone,
I've been kinda waiting to blog until I saw the doctors. The day after I got back from Hawaii I had a brain scan. I knew nothing would be different because I don't feel any better, but still actually seeing it on the films concerned me. I thought it should be shrinking SOME by now. But, I saw both the readiololgist and the neurologist today and they both thought as of yet everything was looking fine. The tumor itself isn't smaller but it does look fuzzier so maybe it is doing something. We are going to wait two more months and do another brain scan. In the meantime, I get a handicapped sticker for my car and I will begin some physical therapy since I am still having such difficulty with my right arm and leg. I think the worse thing is that I have to continue using the steroids. They are making me so puffy and SO cranky. Please pray that my family can put up with me or better yet let's just pray that the crankiness goes away. Thank you for all of your prayers!
I've been kinda waiting to blog until I saw the doctors. The day after I got back from Hawaii I had a brain scan. I knew nothing would be different because I don't feel any better, but still actually seeing it on the films concerned me. I thought it should be shrinking SOME by now. But, I saw both the readiololgist and the neurologist today and they both thought as of yet everything was looking fine. The tumor itself isn't smaller but it does look fuzzier so maybe it is doing something. We are going to wait two more months and do another brain scan. In the meantime, I get a handicapped sticker for my car and I will begin some physical therapy since I am still having such difficulty with my right arm and leg. I think the worse thing is that I have to continue using the steroids. They are making me so puffy and SO cranky. Please pray that my family can put up with me or better yet let's just pray that the crankiness goes away. Thank you for all of your prayers!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Hawaii
Hey Everyone!
We made it back from Hawaii in one piece and it was a trip of a lifetime! Anyone who knows us, knows just how much we hate to fly, but the flights were excellent. They were smooth, on time and with no lost luggage. It was an all day flight and when we got there we were exhausted but happy. The ship was beautiful and we loved our room with the balcony. So on day 1 in Honolulu everything went well.
Day 2- everything ...went...bad. I guess because of all of the steroids I am on and because I was on the plane for so long, fluid collected on my knees. I was in EXTREME pain. I mean on the 1-10 scale I would say it was an 8. At one point I sent the girls out on the balcony because I just couldn't stand for them to watch me cry anymore. I thought the trip was ruined. As soon as we could, we got on the free shopping shuttle to of all places, Wal Mart. That's right, we went all the way to Hilo, Hawaii to go to Wal Mart and load up on motrin. We spent the afternoon with the kids swimming at the ship while I popped motrin with Mai Tai's. Go ahead, judge me if you want, you'd done the same if you were in that much pain. I kept my knees up the rest of the trip, even at night and didn't have any more problems. Thank you, Jesus. I felt okay enough that night that we went out to eat and saw the onboard entertainment.
Day 3 and 4- Maui. We woke up that morning to whales outside our balcony. What a sight! This is the time of year that they are traveling through so it was a special treat. We ended up spending our days is Maui at the beach. We wanted to take it easy since we didn't know how I would feel. The beach we went to was very posh. A private beach that the Travel Channel named the best beach in the world for 2006. It was lovely and the sand was like baby powder. We saw some more whales off shore jumping out of the water. Wow!! Again, every night we had a great dinner on board and saw the cruise line entertainment before collapsing into bed.
Day 5- Kona. This is a wonderful port. Very touristy. We shopped til we dropped. Kona is known for their very rich and expensive coffee.
Day 6- Kaua'i. Known as the garden island I wanted to be sure to see some of the lushness. We took a trip up the Wailua River to Fern Grotto. It was a beautiful sight to see. It was filled with tropical plants and waterfalls. By that afternoon it started to become obvious that maybe I was pushing it too hard. I ended up falling twice. Once down a flight of stairs. Thank goodness I didn't get hurt and only my family saw it happen. The second time was in front of a whole tour bus of people who rang out together in a collective gasp. As I lay there on the floor of the bus I realized I was even too weak to get up. Rob and a couple of tourists literally had to pick me up. I quickly brushed off my backside and my pride and took my seat. I mean what else are ya gonna do? Anyway, we were headed for and old Hawaiian plantation were we saw an authentic Hawaiian Lu'au. We had a blast! All of the food and music were good and I loved the fire dancers the best.
Day 7- We had another day in Kaua'i and in light of my exhaustion we decided to do another beach day so I could relax. Again the beach was beautiful and secluded. We got the treat of seeing a sea turtle come to shore. She was huge! Rob also got a little snorkling in and saw some cool fish. That afternoon I rested in the cabin while the kids swam on deck.
Last day- Pearl Harbor. They do a wondeful presentation at Pearl Harbor. I am so glad that my kids got to see and learn this bit of history. We also got to take a city tour of Honolulu before being taken to the airport.
I would just like to thank again the anonymous people form St. Elizabeth's who took up this collection so we could actually do this trip. I had been saving for a trip just like this but medical bills quickly swept that away. I can't tell you what it means to me that I am leaving a positve memory of me and this trip with my kids and Rob. Words cannot express how grateful I am. May God bless you all!!
We made it back from Hawaii in one piece and it was a trip of a lifetime! Anyone who knows us, knows just how much we hate to fly, but the flights were excellent. They were smooth, on time and with no lost luggage. It was an all day flight and when we got there we were exhausted but happy. The ship was beautiful and we loved our room with the balcony. So on day 1 in Honolulu everything went well.
Day 2- everything ...went...bad. I guess because of all of the steroids I am on and because I was on the plane for so long, fluid collected on my knees. I was in EXTREME pain. I mean on the 1-10 scale I would say it was an 8. At one point I sent the girls out on the balcony because I just couldn't stand for them to watch me cry anymore. I thought the trip was ruined. As soon as we could, we got on the free shopping shuttle to of all places, Wal Mart. That's right, we went all the way to Hilo, Hawaii to go to Wal Mart and load up on motrin. We spent the afternoon with the kids swimming at the ship while I popped motrin with Mai Tai's. Go ahead, judge me if you want, you'd done the same if you were in that much pain. I kept my knees up the rest of the trip, even at night and didn't have any more problems. Thank you, Jesus. I felt okay enough that night that we went out to eat and saw the onboard entertainment.
Day 3 and 4- Maui. We woke up that morning to whales outside our balcony. What a sight! This is the time of year that they are traveling through so it was a special treat. We ended up spending our days is Maui at the beach. We wanted to take it easy since we didn't know how I would feel. The beach we went to was very posh. A private beach that the Travel Channel named the best beach in the world for 2006. It was lovely and the sand was like baby powder. We saw some more whales off shore jumping out of the water. Wow!! Again, every night we had a great dinner on board and saw the cruise line entertainment before collapsing into bed.
Day 5- Kona. This is a wonderful port. Very touristy. We shopped til we dropped. Kona is known for their very rich and expensive coffee.
Day 6- Kaua'i. Known as the garden island I wanted to be sure to see some of the lushness. We took a trip up the Wailua River to Fern Grotto. It was a beautiful sight to see. It was filled with tropical plants and waterfalls. By that afternoon it started to become obvious that maybe I was pushing it too hard. I ended up falling twice. Once down a flight of stairs. Thank goodness I didn't get hurt and only my family saw it happen. The second time was in front of a whole tour bus of people who rang out together in a collective gasp. As I lay there on the floor of the bus I realized I was even too weak to get up. Rob and a couple of tourists literally had to pick me up. I quickly brushed off my backside and my pride and took my seat. I mean what else are ya gonna do? Anyway, we were headed for and old Hawaiian plantation were we saw an authentic Hawaiian Lu'au. We had a blast! All of the food and music were good and I loved the fire dancers the best.
Day 7- We had another day in Kaua'i and in light of my exhaustion we decided to do another beach day so I could relax. Again the beach was beautiful and secluded. We got the treat of seeing a sea turtle come to shore. She was huge! Rob also got a little snorkling in and saw some cool fish. That afternoon I rested in the cabin while the kids swam on deck.
Last day- Pearl Harbor. They do a wondeful presentation at Pearl Harbor. I am so glad that my kids got to see and learn this bit of history. We also got to take a city tour of Honolulu before being taken to the airport.
I would just like to thank again the anonymous people form St. Elizabeth's who took up this collection so we could actually do this trip. I had been saving for a trip just like this but medical bills quickly swept that away. I can't tell you what it means to me that I am leaving a positve memory of me and this trip with my kids and Rob. Words cannot express how grateful I am. May God bless you all!!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Barry Bonds and I
Barry Bonds and I have a lot in common these days. We both use steroids. He, to improve his baseball performance. Me, to shrink my ever swelling brain. I have found in the process some strking similarities between Barry Bonds and I. For example: Barry is crankie with the media. I am crankie with my family. Barry has big, fat, puffy muscles. I have a big, fat, puffy face. Barry works up a sweat fighting the opposing team. I work up the nightsweats fighting off insomnia. Yep, Barry Bonds and I -we're practically twins! How does he do it year after year? Only weeks in for me and I'm going crazy I fear!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Postscript
After writing my letter to Paul I felt the need to express just exactly who I am angry with. I am not angry at God. I do not blame the Almighty Father, but rather the Father of Lies. God is not the author of cancer. Cancer and other diseases are a result of living in a fallen world. Yes, He is Sovereign and has allowed this into my life, but I know to the core of my being that He is good. While I don't always understand I will choose to walk by faith and not by sight. I know He uses ALL things to work according to His good purpose and that He is making me more like His Son through this painful process. Thanks for listening.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Paul
Dear Paul,
I pulled out our 3rd grade class picture the other day. You know the kind where we are all on the risers in our bad haircuts and our 1970's clothing. You were there with your classic crooked grin, and I? Well, I looked a little like my youngest. We weren't friends then... cooties and all. But over time you became my dear friend.
I don't remember ever being told that you had Muscular Dystrophy, a disease that would slowly rot away your muscles and take you at an early age. Maybe I figured it out from your slightly slurred speech or your awkward gait; a gait I seem to be emulating more and more these days. I admired you for your willingness to do anything. I would watch you out on the marching field; your skinny legs barely able to carry the snare drums attached to your chest. Or how about the time you defied the doctors and went skiing? Of course maybe that was a bad idea seeing as how you ended up in traction. Still, I admired you for not stopping for anything.
But, Paul, I have a confession...I also judged you. There were times that you were angry that you had to deal with your disease, that you would never be normal. I didn't want to hear that, I wanted you to have a positive outlook all the time. I get you now. Sometimes I am angry that my life is not normal and thrown into turmoil. You were angry that you never had kids, and while the Lord has blessed me with my girls I want more. I want weddings. I want grandbabies. In fact, it is my ONLY dream now. And I am angry. You died at the age of 28 and while I so far have 12years on you I know that I am too young to be dealing with the issues and emotions that I am. And I am angry.
I'm sorry, Paul. Please forgive me. I didn't know...I didn't know.
I pulled out our 3rd grade class picture the other day. You know the kind where we are all on the risers in our bad haircuts and our 1970's clothing. You were there with your classic crooked grin, and I? Well, I looked a little like my youngest. We weren't friends then... cooties and all. But over time you became my dear friend.
I don't remember ever being told that you had Muscular Dystrophy, a disease that would slowly rot away your muscles and take you at an early age. Maybe I figured it out from your slightly slurred speech or your awkward gait; a gait I seem to be emulating more and more these days. I admired you for your willingness to do anything. I would watch you out on the marching field; your skinny legs barely able to carry the snare drums attached to your chest. Or how about the time you defied the doctors and went skiing? Of course maybe that was a bad idea seeing as how you ended up in traction. Still, I admired you for not stopping for anything.
But, Paul, I have a confession...I also judged you. There were times that you were angry that you had to deal with your disease, that you would never be normal. I didn't want to hear that, I wanted you to have a positive outlook all the time. I get you now. Sometimes I am angry that my life is not normal and thrown into turmoil. You were angry that you never had kids, and while the Lord has blessed me with my girls I want more. I want weddings. I want grandbabies. In fact, it is my ONLY dream now. And I am angry. You died at the age of 28 and while I so far have 12years on you I know that I am too young to be dealing with the issues and emotions that I am. And I am angry.
I'm sorry, Paul. Please forgive me. I didn't know...I didn't know.
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