One Week, Still Weak

Hey Everyone,

I'm so glad so many of you have signed up for the direct e-mail updates from the blog! If you didn't get the link it is at http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogger/jUid . If you want to check the blog the old way you can do that too! Whatever works best for you!

A lot of you have asked how I am feeling a week after the procedure. To be honest I feel worse. I was told that may happen due to swelling. I am now dragging my right leg around and I have had to put a knee brace on it because it has a tendency to buckle under me at times. Hopefully, I will see some results anywhere from 1-6 weeks. It just depends on how my tumor responds to the radiation. I'm pretty optimistic. When they radiated the tumor in my chest I could tell a big difference in just a few weeks.

Right now I am not allowed to drive due to the slight possibilty of seizures. I thought I would dread the time, but I am finding it enjoyable. I have shut off the T.V. and just spent a lot of quiet time with God. I'm also using this to write some letters to Rob and the girls. It has been emotional, but I guess I like the fact that I will get to meddle some with them even after I am gone. Maybe I shouldn't talk like that. I know it makes people uncomfortable, but hey, we are all headed down that path one day or another.

Love ya'll!

The Moon

God is the sun and I am the moon.
Just as the sun creates the light,
God is the light
The moon just reflects the light.
When I first believed I was a new moon... now I'm a crescent
My goal is to become a full moon
Fully reflecting the light of the Son.
The fuller I become the greater pull I have on the tides of the lives around me.
My job is not to sunburn,
That's the sun's job.
My job is to reflect the light
When surrounded by darkness.

Alien

Well, it is the day after the surgery and things couldn't have gone better! Thank you so much for your prayers, I know they made all of the difference! Hy head is a little sore because they screwed a halo through my skin and directly onto my skull. Right now I have a big Frankenstein bandage on my head, but even that should get to come off later today. The one slightly disappointing thing is I was under the impression that the gamma knife obliterated the tumor so I was expecting some instant relief from the symptoms, however, the tumor is still there and will slowly shrink over time. So I guess I'm not allowed to drive for quite a while. Bummer! I wish it could have happened the way Rob's cousin said in an e-mail he sent. He said, "Wouldn't it be great if the tumor was like one of those aliens that inhabit people's bodies in the movies and then something happens and they come out screaming and squealing? I bet it would be great to see the m-f-er so that! Come squealing out your ears and explode in the operating room!" I would have loved to see that happen! But I imagine my tumor is a little more like the alien in the movie Space Balls. After the bloodbath, the gnashing of teeth, the screaming and wailing- there is a little song and dance complete with a top hat and a cane. "Hello, my baby; hello, my honey; hello my ragtime gal....give me a kiss by wire...baby my hearts on fire..."

Ok- Sigourney! No more sequels!

Remission Revoked

I see that my last blog was on Jan. 31st and that I was going to take some time off to be normal. Yeah, that plan went well. As most of you know I am no longer in remission...or rather I never really was in remission. We just thought that MF had left ,but actually he changed locations... he has moved to my brain. Deep in the left side of my brain to be exact. Many of you are asking how I could get a clean PET scan only to have a tumor show up in my brain. The first symptom that made me think that something was wrong was a pain in my right shoulder, that's all... just a dull ache in the shoulder; not something you usually associate with a brain tumor. So we moved my PET scan up early which took pictures from my eyebrows to me kneecaps. I guess I should have drawn my eyebrows on a little higher that day! Anyway, as time went on the symptoms became more sinister. I started to notice numbness in the right side of my face and increasing weakness in my right arm, so we did the MRI brain scan. We are hopefully going to find out over the next couple of days a plan of attack. In the meantime I have been working on some positives that can come out of this. For example, the next time I say or do something stupid I can conjure up my best Swarzeneggar impression and say,"I've got a tumor!" Or the next time some woman that I have never seen in my life that seems to know my name, my children's names, my social security number and what I had for breakfast 3 days ago begins talking to me, I can look her dead in the eye and say, "You know I have a brain tumor. What's your name again?" Or how about the next time I hit a speed bump at an ungodly speed and cause $500 damage to the car, I can sweetly croon "Tuuuummoooor!" You know I don't feel like making dinner tonight. Maybe I will stand in the kitchen with a my mouth hanging open and a glazed look in my eye. Maybe Rob will take pity on me and order take-out! Oh, the possibilities!