When I was first diagnosed in 2004 I wasn't really all that scared. Cancer runs strong in my family so it was almost like a rite of passage. I had caught this cancer early (stage 1) and it was just going to be a painful nuissance more than anything else. I thought if I did everything right (do the chemo, get the surgeries) that everything would be just fine and I would live the rest of my life cancer free. It would be just a major bump in the road of my life. But even with this mentality, it did make me stop and think about my life and where it was going. I felt compelled to make a life list. This list consisted of three catagories: What I want to do, What I want to learn, and Where I want to go. My list consisted of things like do a ropes course, learn the violin, and travel to Italy. Just like George Bailey on It's A Wonderful Life, I felt like those were the things that made you someone. I've always loved that movie and understood it's message, but this year it seemed to strike a deeper cord in me. George always felt like the only way he could ever make any difference in the world was to travel extensively and do great things like build skyscrapers and bridges. He often felt very insignificant in his tiny little town of Bedford Falls.
I understand that. Don't we all want to feel like we've left the world a better place? How can I make any difference here in Edmond, OK? How can being "just a housewife" be important? When I was first diagnosed with this recurrence, again I was mad at God because it seemed like I wasn't allowed to dream. Violin playing and ropes courses were out of the question because of the pain I had in my shoulder and chest. Traveling was no longer a possibility because our savings had been sucked dry to pay for medical expenses. But in the midst of this I found out what George did. It wasn't the trips or the actitvities that make you significant. It is the people and realtionships that matter. I would like to think that I have had an influence on the many students that I have taught over the years. That they are not only better musicians but better people because of me. I would like to think that I have helped friends in times of trouble. That I have offered a sympathetic ear or a timely bit of advice. I know that I have had a profound infuence on my girls. How will my mark on them influence the future generations of my family? Maybe just like George, I HAVE made my part of the world a better place. These are the real treasures of our lives. Not whether we excelled at work or gained notoriety. It's not where we've traveled or what we've done that is all important, it's how we've loved.
I still would love to do the things on my list, but they don't have the hold on me that they once did. My friends and family have the true hold on me now. And that has made me the richest gal in town.
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2 comments:
Ok Stac. You made me cry with this one.
You know that you've made an enormous impact on my life... teaching me and being my friend since 7th grade. You provided an outlet for my heart. When things were too hard to handle at home, I'd throw myself into music and you'd always make me feel so good during our lessons. You'd compliment my pitch and tone quality and you'd always act so surprised when I hit those high notes even though I know you knew my potential much better than I did. You gave me the self-esteem and the boosts and the compliments that a young girl needs... needs from a mother. And you know as well as anyone the lack of good presence my mom had in my life. Times were tough and I truly believe that if you were not present in my life, my heart would have completely shut out all women. Sometimes I still have issues trusting girl friends and definitely my mom... but I believe that you're awesome influence on me shown light to the fact that not all moms are like mine. Some moms are genuine and sweet and real and good. You are. I learned a lot from you about how I want to parent my children someday. Singing blossomed for me when I took lessons from you. I knew I liked it, but I honestly didn't know I was good at it. But even with all the things I considered so perfect about you, you were still as human as anyone when you fumbled over piano keys and we'd laugh and our eyes would water until our stomachs hurt over how silly it was. I miss lessons a lot but they will always be really fond memories for me. You showed me Staci, that there are grown women out there following the Lord. Basically, you showed me that I'm not alone in this endeavor and you gave me an example to aspire to be like. Which I do. I aspire to be like you.
Man, all that came from 30 minutes a week?
That's pretty darn awesome.
I love this...
It's not where we've traveled or what we've done that is all important, it's how we've loved.
Staci...you get it...you get the whole point of this life...to love as He loves us!
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